Content may have shape-shifted during flight.

Some of you are aware of my tales of woe last week, having lost my luggage during my trip to EclipseCon. Some of you laughed at me for stupidly checking my luggage (umm I guess cause yours arrived you geniuses) and then gleefully asking about the loss all week (ahem). Since you are probably curious about the outcome, yes, I now have my luggage. I retrieved it after arriving in Ottawa, where it sat waiting patiently for my return. Did it actually leave Ottawa ? It's unclear to me but it was tagged for Oakland so they did know where to send it had they decided to actually do so. Some luggage is apparently marked "optional".

In Ottawa, when I arrived, I was not given my luggage right away. Nope, they first claim that they "never heard of me". Hmm, strange, they called saying it was in Ottawa, but never mind, I have the paperwork and my lost luggage claim so lets try anyhow. "Ok, right, here you are, lets go take a tour of the lost luggage facility at the airport and see if you can spot yours" (not so optimal as there is a fair amount of luggage sitting at the airport). Nope, not there. So, the baggage services guy goes through to the customs area to check if it was there as I was returning from the US. This was actually very nice of him so I'm not really complaining as he could have just punted on me and said "we'll call if it turns up". While he was off searching the international baggage area, I spotted a bunch of bags cached away in his office. I snuck in, feeling very guilty since it was an airport and they seem to take this security stuff pretty seriously but there was my bag so my trespass was worth it.

After I stole got the bag back, I waited for the guy so I could tell him to close the file. While waiting, I had a small panic attack when I noticed a sheet, attached to my bag, which looked like a list of the contents of the bag, except it listed such items like female gym shoes, and gold ring earrings and a female jogging suit. Hmm, I don't recall having any of those items when I left and since when do they inventory a bag ? It was also unlikely that they mistook my pair of size 14 running shoes as woman's runners but who knows ? How to explain this ? "Gee honey, they lost my luggage and sent back ladies stuff." Right. Next you'll be saying you went to EclipseCon and it was hard work and you're really tired. Um, yeah, how did you know ?

I was only a little apprehensive opening the bag but it was all ok, my runners and my shirts were all there, no sign of the ladies stuff. No content shape-shifting occurred this time.

Lessons learned.

• don't check your luggage (I knew this already, I was just testing)
  
• your true friends will offer to loan you clothing
• as a true friend you will decline and buy new stuff
  
• your non-friends will mock your stupidity for checking luggage and then offer pretend sympathy - do not be fooled, plan revenge instead
  
• contents may shape-shift into embarrassing items during flight (airline dependent) - plan your explanations in advance - just in case.
  
• "destination" is relative. When they say "luggage has been delivered to "destination", they may mean "not delivered" or "eventual destination" which is sometimes known as home.

Which is where I am now, scotch in hand so all is good with the world.